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Anatomy of an Unboxing

My friends, I have for you today something that has never been done in the history of this site. At long last there will be that erudite sense of class that will penetrate the usual monotony of this space, obliterating the dull wit known as my writing. Yes, you guessed it; I have a guest writer.

It is my very great pleasure to introduce my good friend Mr. Jank Hank, whom shares my love for opening packages o’ geek to get to the gooey center of tech. Because of this, this article was born:

Anatomy of an Unboxing

un-boxing what is

Greetings fellow netizens. Today I want to delve a bit into one of the most celebrated geek rituals, the unboxing. It begins with a rush right from the moment of purchase, whether online or off, to the foreplay of opening the package, examining its contents, and ends with the exhilarating finish of turning on and using your tech toy. A multitude of things occur during each of these stages. Let’s further explore this rite of passage.
So you’ve just bought a nice, new, shiny toy. You’ve been hearing about it for months and now can’t wait to get your little paws on it. If you bought it from your run of the mill big box store, the ride home can be excruciatingly long…you might think, ”Where the hell did all this traffic spawn from!?!?” Or if you bought it online, you can bet your ass you’re tracking it every few hours…”Sorting facility…zomg it’s almost here! O dear, the UPS man will be here any second, how’s my hair?” *Ahem* Fix collar. Breath check.

Right when you finally get the prize in your hands, comes the delicate process of opening it. If you’re coming from the store, you’re going to want to carefully remove the shrinkwrapping as to not damage the facade of the perfectly crafted product packaging. If you receive it as a shipment, the very first thing you’ll want to do is find the nearest sharp object and procure it to puncture the tape that binds the shipping box. After you’ve done so, you can begin freeing your bounty from its imprisonment, but beware, the perils of packing peanuts. If you’re too antsy, you’ll unleash styrofoam armageddon all over your floor, so be careful. Take your time.

what is unboxing

Once the product is free from its restraints, it’s time to open it. As you open that first flap, think about where you’ve been, what you’ve done, all that has been sacrificed to get to this moment. Marvel at the size of the instruction manual; this compendium will be your toy’s best friend. Oogle at the number of warning labels and twisty ties. When you have it in your hands, there will be obvious questions you’ll ask yourself. How heavy is it? Is it lighter than…? Is it smaller/bigger than my old one? How does it stack up next to others like it?

When you finally get to using it for the first time, there is no feeling like it. For some, hearing it boot, seeing it come to life for the first time, the birth of their digital baby, is an experience that is unforgettable. Think Lolcats riding rainbow rollercoasters; the sensation in the pit of your stomach…that unforgettable. This feeling is only made more euphoric by another geek pastime; that of the midnight launch…

unboxing videos
Photos courtesy of Ntr23

– Jank
(follow him on Twitter!)
(Tune in next time as the secrets of a midnight launch are uncovered in a special report :>>)

So do you also have that passion for tearing off skimpy layers of plastic to reveal a technological gem? What technological wonder lights you up more than a Nixie tube?