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Tomb Raider – The Boob Chronicles

“Tomb Raider – Underworld” is the 8th game in the legacy of Lara Croft and the latest odyssey in this busty brunette’s career. However, sales were far lower than Eidos expected, causing their stock to plummet. In the last year the company has lost 74 percent of its total value.

Searching frantically for an explanation to their demise, Eidos remembered all the aspects that made Tomb Raider great. What could they have missed? After countless hours of seeking they finally realized where they went wrong…


Eidos stopped having breasts on their brains. For years Lara has tit-illated us with her pixel rich bosom. Let’s face it; we purchased the game so we could better picture Lara naked. So in commemoration of Lara’s rack (which is getting sadly smaller every year).. I give you:

My dear Lara Craft, Laura Kroft.. whatever your name is.. we still enjoy the way you handle a pistol. Yet I am afraid that if you don’t bring back those good ol’ fashioned jugs, we will have to get comfortable with our own devices.

    • yo_rmn

      No you’re not

    • oreolemon

      I’m with you Phoenix. !!!”C” cups all the way!!!

    • Cristianbam

      Oh boy, you said it man!

  • Econael

    The whole style has gradually slided from comic-like to somewhat realistic proportions.
    Forget the tatas for a second and look at her head and eyes! In 2000 she looked like a monster and her belt buckle was gargantuan 😀
    On the other hand, the guns got bigger.
    I’ll vote a ‘yes’ for the cameltoe, good idea Lynn =)
    Yes “C”‘s are better than “G”‘s (except if you’re sort on pillows :P)

    I wouldn’t mind the next lara to be more stylized again with a narrower waist.

  • Fatman

    i love the F

  • Tommy

    I think she looks more natural now, which is, in my opinion, far hotter than a giant set of tits running around the world.

  • auzzie_clark

    I think they should keep the better graphics and increse the breast size and add a camel toe but then they’d lose like all the people playing it under the age of 18 but hell i’d still buy it

    • Ignoreland

      Are you kidding me? 13-18 sales would be through the roof! Video games are most guys first porn

  • Dominator

    don’t know what happened in 1997 but she was happy then at least … when is Nixie gona dress up as Lara ?

    • “when is Nixie gona dress up as Lara ?”

      Now that is something I could happily sink my teeth into!

  • hn

    btw have there ever been jiggle physics?
    I saw a trailer for the 2008 game, where she made a handstand somewhere: she was clearly not influenced by gravity.
    They dove straight to the bottom of the uncanny valley by rendering her as a barbie doll, not a human, however big the breasts…

  • HunterA3

    Ah yes. Ms Croft. The worlds most famous virtual improper fraction.

  • j

    I’m sure its problem is not that. Now all of us have fast internet connections and lost of boobs there.

    I think It’s more as someone has just said (more of less): it is the same game than 14 years ago,but with better textures.

    And I sure prefer the new Lara and her C’s !

    Sorry for my awful English.

  • GamerGeek

    yeah, i think this might not be the exact factor that the company lost 74% percent of thier value 😛 but i would prefer the the 34 C over the F, but that is just me

  • she look cute in 2006, even if she’s thrusting her chest