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Putting Words to the Wordless

To be, or not to be? That is the question—
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And, by opposing, end them?

A friend died this weekend. He decided to “shuffle off his mortal coil”. He was so close to his 22nd birthday. Everything is so confusing when you are young. How do you know what battles to fight and when to give in? When I was a teenager I would go to school to Tiffany Shelsburg’s inevitable teasing that I dressed like a “goth.” How would one perceive another as being gothic from just wearing black occasionally, I didn’t know. Yet, at the time.. Tiffany made me seethe with anger. She didn’t understand me.. It wasn’t fair, life wasn’t fair.. my life was over.

It has taken me almost two hours to write one paragraph. This is like putting words to the wordless. I only wish I could say that there has never been a time where someone close to me has taken their life. When I first experienced this level of loss – I rationalized it. I thought suicide was the most selfish and cowardly thing a person could do.

Now, I’m not so sure. How many times have you hit the snooze button on your alarm, utterly dreading the beginning of a day? Or have you asked yourself questions like: ‘Why am I here? What is the point of it all?’ Do life, work or relationships push you to a point where you think: ‘Enough! I just want this all to stop!’

Having given it more thought, I could never say what is wrong or right with another persons desire to live. Life is but a page in an enormous book. In this life, humans are tasked with the ‘pursuit of happiness’. Not everyone chooses their pursuit to go from self-loathing to achieving self-love and creating our own dreams.

Regardless of our choice; we are our own Gods.

To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end

Brian Littrell – Rest in Peace

6 Comments

  1. astyguy says:

    Fight, never give in !

    Sorry, its hard to express emotion through a simple text box.

    Just enjoy life while you can !

  2. blueprint says:

    Just before my grandfather died, he told me “I’m ready”.

    NOT what I wanted to hear, but I couldn’t begrudge him his choice; you can no more choose for someone to WANT to live no more than you can choose their sexual orientation or any other choice that’s so intrinsically personal.

    I’m genuinely sorry for your loss. I know how much it hurts to lose someone. As little comfort as it might be, know he made the choice that was best for him, as incomprehensible it might seem.

    *e-hug*

  3. Torch says:

    I still don’t know what to say/think either.

    All I can do is consider others who may have lost faith, and share what faith I have.

    I will never know whose life might be saved, but there is value also in simply the sharing, for both.

  4. Olb says:

    My condolences.

    I believe our experiences is what makes us who we are, and by remembering experiences, part of us lives on.

  5. Flipkik says:

    I would like too share my own thoughts on this but first I feel obliged too share a text which is not writen by me. As far as I know a friend of mine wrote it.

    “The Anatomy of Suicide

    People who have never felt the urge to commit suicide
    often think it comes from simple sadness. Sorrow plays a role, but there is nothing
    simple about suicide. The desire to die, to kill yourself, is
    a complex emotional state with many possible causes and
    many possible expressions.

    The Worst Feeling in the World

    People feel sorrow for many reasons, ranging from a TV
    show being canceled to learning they have an incurable
    disease. Most episodes of grief, however, do not make
    people kill themselves, even when their sorrow is extreme.
    On the other hand, most suicides don’t seem to have much
    reason to be sad. Why does one man kill himself because
    his girlfriend left him, while another man sees his wife and
    daughters raped and murdered but soldiers on?
    One element that separates suicidal depression from ordinary
    grief is the feeling of absolute isolation. Poet Sylvia
    Plath, who herself committed suicide, called that feeling
    “the bell jar.” You feel trapped in your own head, cut off
    from everyone else. No one loves you or understands what
    you’re going through. People prove it when you try to say
    how you feel and they tell you to cheer up or don’t make a big
    deal about it.
    It’s a poor way to connect to other people, but it seems like all you have left.
    The wise men say to know yourself. You wish you could
    forget yourself, because there’s something about yourself
    you despise. Maybe it’s the way you need another person
    so much, and that person is gone. Maybe it’s your pride,
    which won’t let you forget how you failed to live up to
    your ambitions. Maybe it’s a sexual desire that your faith or
    upbringing tells you is wrong. The possibilities are legion.
    If only you could kill that hated part of yourself . . . .
    Very often, you hear the message to die from other people,
    too. You know your isolation and self-hatred aren’t all in your
    head, because other people take the time to tell you your
    shortcomings. It may start with childhood taunts on the
    playground, but doesn’t end there. From the boyfriend who
    dumps you to the supervisor who tyrannizes you, a thousand
    casual or calculated insults and rejections let you know you
    aren’t good enough and people don’t like you. After a while,
    it can be easy to believe them and stop fighting to exist.
    The thought of suicide comes with a feeling of terrible inevitability
    and finality. “You’ll feel better tomorrow,” people
    say. You know you won’t. This is your life.
    You know your future, and it doesn’t get better.
    But you have one alternative to helpless misery — one
    way to take control.
    In some cultures, declaring that you kill yourself because
    of another person can shame your enemy into his own
    suicide or set your family on a blood-feud against him.

    Varieties of Suicide

    Some people kill themselves in hidden ways, perhaps hidden even from themselves.
    Other people destroy themselves for reasons that aren’t
    obviously connected to grief. Not all despair comes from
    personal issues such as the death of loved ones or isolation
    from other humans. Sometimes the despair isn’t even
    painful. In some cases, the abandonment of self-preservation
    brings courage and even serenity.”

    I myself don’t understand the reason of this all. This thing called life where does it lead? Too what goal are all our actions? In the all of our actions are forgoten al we have build in our lives will be no more.

    “At the end of days, at the end of time
    When the Sun burns out will any of this matter?
    Who will be there to remember who we were?
    Who will be there to know that any of this had meaning for us?” VnV nation: further

    This in thought why would you live your life for so many years. Slaving yourself through the days cause you know that all you do has no use knowing in the end ending it here and now would not make a difference. So why go on with no feeling of use? Every day hurts…

    Then biology kicks in as a result of your mental state. You start feeling tired. you can sleep for days. You don’t have the power too pull yourself through, empty as though where once you could drag yourself on it has burned every last bit of power. But our society does not wait for those in this position it doesn’t even slow down. Some stop by in their rush of life asking how you feel telling you too feel better and then rushes on. Deep within you grow a hatred for how sick the world has become in your eyes. How it keeps slaving on those who can no longer go on. This results into more isolation. So in my eyes suicidal depression is a feeling of absolete lonelyness and uselessness.

    Once you’ve been in it it never fully let’s go. It’s always in your thoughts and you keep dragging yourself on. Wondering why you keep going.

    My 2 cents at the moment. But I never get too fully discribe it like I wish.

    Grtz,
    Flipkik

  6. Dougie V says:

    Oh wow, I’m sorry to hear that! Losing someone close to you is never easy, and the pain never goes away. The five year anniversary of my best friend passing away is almost here, and not a day goes by that I don’t think about her.

    It’s rough, but you just have to be strong and keep the memories of them close in your heart.

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